Week 5, Our First Five-Day Week.

Well, we had the option to make it a four-day week, and once I noticed next Monday is Columbus Day making next week another 4-day’er, I realized we dropped the ball on the whole thing. So, unless something unexpected occurs, 5 days, here we come.

Mac and Sailor had another eventful weekend. While my mom and sister snuck off to Michigan without telling the boys, we hung out with GrandDad. Our remarkable Sunday morning was spent at the Laundromat washing two comforters (mine) and one sleeping bag (Mac’s) that have sat in the basement long enough. Nana’s washer and drier can’t accommodate these items and I can’t sleep well while breathing in the odor of urine. Yes, I sleep with two incontinents. They loved the Laundromat! Watching the water rush down over the blankets. Watching the soap drip down the glass. Pushing those off-center, dangerously unstable carts. And the spin cycle. You gotta love the spin cycle! The regulars had to have thought we were nuts. Or from some foreign country where they don’t have Laundromats. The coup de grace was when we pulled up chairs in front of the washers and yes, actually watched the comforters get washed. Mac and Sailor’s education this week has begun.

Monday morning we load up the recycling – one bag for each boy -- and Curious George, bagels, water, and smiling faces and head up north to the gym. But Sailor cries today. I try cajoling (go have fun with Mac and the kids!). I try threatening (I’m going to have to leave if you don’t stop crying). Nothing works until Sailor finally begs me to come back into the gym and sit on the bleachers. Which is prohibited from week 2 through 9. So say the signs. Within minutes Sailor is fine and I am outside working on distributing our recycling. Mac makes friends with the boy named Aidan, who is the closest to his age (I think he’s 4) and is wearing the same track pants he is wearing, and the boy named Carson, not to be confused with the girl named Carson. Or with the two girls named Grace and Grace. The teacher needs an assistant. After class we head to the dollar store for folders and some things off Mac’s teacher’s wish list. Hand sanitizer: $1. 4-pack of AA batteries: $1.29. Star Wars coloring and sticker book for Mac. Firefighter playset with lots of very SMALL pieces for Sailor. A new shower curtain. A longer phone cord. $9.03. Bath, leftover pizza for lunch, drop Sailor with GrandDad, walk Mac to school. It’s supposed to be 80 degrees out today. I don’t think it made it.

FREE coffee today. Borders is giving it away if you have the coupon. Which I have! They have a new café. Hurray! Victoria’s Secret is giving away free undies if you have the coupon. Which I have! This is how Mommy spends her time while Mac is in school. If only it were really this luxurious. I have my annual gyne appointment with my idol doctor. I am definitely the only person I know who actually looks forward to my yearly Pap smear just so I can see this woman. It rains on my way back to get Mac but stops by the time I reach him.

Dear Ms. SingleMommy.
Mac was moved to red today for calling names on two occasions. (poop, jerk) Just wanted you to know.
Ms. H

DEAR MIzz
H AND
CLAzz

IM zORRY I SAID
BAD WORDz. I WILL BE NICE.

MAC

Mac is able to keep his hands to himself through most of tap class. Sailor is trying his hardest to beat me up when I won’t give him a third piece of candy. Little dude! Two pieces was major!

Homework done. (We’re on letter C as Mac accurately predicted this morning), Spaghetti eaten, jammies on, 7th Heaven in Mommy’s bed. There’s a storm outside.
Sailor promises not to cry at school tomorrow. He even goes so far as to say he’s ‘cited to go! We’ll see. But I’ve emailed half a dozen or so of my friends for advice on this one. This week is the deadline. Either he goes or he becomes the first preschool dropout in the family. Please Sailor, PLEASE don’t cry this week!

Tuesday. Whimper. Whimper. Not full out crying. Threatens to put pj’s on and get back into bed, though. Until we arrive at school and I try the drop and run technique. Sailor is hysterical. I almost am, too. I can’t do this anymore. Three hours later I am back and he is happy as a clam. Had a great day. Played with a boy named Brody. All is well. Who do I feel more sorry for? Sailor or myself?

Hi SingleMommy,

Sorry I wasn't able to talk more with you at dismissal today, I had a couple of people waiting for me. I wanted to let you know how well Sailor did this morning, he got busy right away playing with the other children. He started in the kitchen and moved on to the jungle gym where there were several boys playing and then on to the train tracks. Ask him about Isaac and Brody. He was sitting next to Brody on the circle chatting and laughing before story. I know it is incredibly hard for you to leave him crying but I think he really is enjoying himself. Take care, see you Thurs.
S

While Sailor is busy making friends with Isaac and Brody and NOT making me a project for the 7th day in a row, Mac is ordering his first latte at Starbucks. Make that a decaf iced latte. “Can I get a coffee today instead of chocolate milk, Mom?” The kid’s been drinking coffee since my addiction began back in the summer after he’d just turned one. We have more free coupons today, so it won’t cost me anything. “Sure, just make sure to order a decaf.”
What am I, nuts?
He sucks down his latte faster than I drink mine.

GrandDad offers lunch so I send Mac off with him to pick it up. Or so I thought. Thirty minutes later I am catching up on work and wondering where my guys are. GrandDad calls wondering the same thing. They’ve just sat down with their food. I am here waiting for the take-out. Oh well. Mac has a nice lunch with GrandDad and then we head off for preschool to retrieve… a very happy boy! Have mercy! The two chatted all the way to the big school, Mac biting a cheeseburger, Sailor nibbling a chicken tender and fries. I push their stroller, blissful at their camaraderie. And awestruck by their ability to remember the tiniest details of Star Wars despite the fact that they have only watched 4 of the 6 movies … back in February! I do love it so when Sailor calls me Princess Leah, though, because the way he says it, it comes out Princess Leh with an open mouth on the vowel of the name. It’s hilarious.

Mac reads his note out loud to the class. “But I needed some help from Miss H,” he tells me. “That’s ok. What did she say?” “She said ‘thank you’.” She must think I am some whack job of a mom.

Wednesday. “We went outside for P.E. today.” As if outside were a truly foreign place. As if P.E. we a word spelled Pee-Eee. “P.E. stands for gym,” I am informed.

I am thinking Sailor is probably going to be ok at school. But I realize that the “drop and run” plan won't work for him. Sailor needs me to stick around til he is comfy in just about any situation, so school should be no different. I will just have to plan our mornings better so that we can be there by about 8:50 or 8:55 so we aren't arriving after 9:00 and disrupting the class. That may help. Have I mentioned this week that I am soooooo tired? The kids, too. Mac is practically asleep at the table at 6:30 after eating a good dinner. Sailor goes right out at 8:00. I can't seriously even believe how much we are fitting into each day! Today we skated, came home for lunch, drove Mac to school, went shopping for birthday gifts, and then I sat in the car for an hour while Sailor slept until Mac was out of school, then drove through McD's for shakes and dropped Mac off at FTK, took Sailor home and played some games, ran over to my art studio, picked up Mac, stopped downstairs to welcome Mom home, made the kids dinner... and I'm still up working! Tomorrow Sailor goes to school, Mac goes to the talking doctor, then Mac goes to school, Sailor has a haircut and then we have one of the French families coming over after school. And my house remains a mess despite all efforts. I have a PTA meeting on Friday morning at 9:00, then Mac has to be at school at 12:35. Sailor and I have a playdate in the middle of the afternoon on Friday while Mac is in school and Sailor is supposed to be napping. I am taking Lisa out to dinner at 6:00 and I have to remember to call for a reservation, which I should do right now. On Saturday I have to work at Dr. B's office all day then take the boys to a birthday party (for the boy who "beat up" Mac every day last year). On Sunday we are going to play at the Fergusons' house, as in Eric Ferguson from the Eric&Kathy show on the MIX. Mac is in FTK with his 5-year-old twins. Then I have a birthday party at my art studio at 2:00 and then a family dinner at night to celebrate my dad's heart surgery a year ago. And for next week I just realized I think I have to be in court at 9:30 Tuesday a.m. to prove to the judge that my children's father and I actually do exist and actually do want a divorce. I am soooooooo dreading that! UGH!!!! I wish we were divorced already and that everything were as it is now except that more money were coming our way. I am still sooooo terrified of this divorce! I need to go to bed! Oh, do you think we are overscheduled? I think we are having fun. But I think we need the proverbial – actually no, the literal – day of rest!

Thursday. It worked! Mac and I stayed at school with Sailor for 10 minutes. Of course, this means having to be at school 10 minutes earlier so we don’t disrupt the class when it officially begins at 9:00 a.m. But hey, whatever it takes to leave with a tear-free toddler! After school I arranged a play date next Tuesday with a boy named Brody and later at night arranged one for Friday afternoon with a boy named Jack, whose number was written on a slip of paper by the teacher. “They played really well together today,” she explained. She is so involved! I am so impressed!

After school on Thursday we walked home with the French family whose children do not speak English. We welcomed them into our already trashed playroom and the four children proceeded to trash it even further beyond what four children can reasonably clean up. They devoured pretzels, chocolate cake, cheese, and crackers as if no one had fed them all day. Especially the adorable little girl who uttered exactly one “merci” and nothing else the entire time they were here. We practiced our French, loaned out some American children’s books, and heard once again how our home was “typically American” with its dark rooms and … something. I can’t remember. But I tried to take it as a compliment when the French mother, whom I like very much, described our home as
“comfortable,” which I know really means “messy.”

Friday morning is PTA day again! It hardly seems as if we’ve been in school long enough for our 2nd PTA meeting to be rolling around already. But there we were. Five of us sitting in room 107, where the principal had directed us. For 15 minutes. Are we in the wrong room? Indeed. The other 40 parents and teachers were conducing business in the hot lunch room (I think we must have been in the cold lunch room, although it seemed much warmer in there than it was in the hot lunch room). This time there was decaf coffee! Thank you, PTA, for listening. I had two cups. With a 6 sugars. And two bagel halves. I’m not shy. Halfway though the meeting I remembered I’d left my kids with my parents at 8:40 a.m. to be here and that it would be a good idea to pay attention. Nonetheless I still found time to write a note, in French no less, to the mother of the French boy who was over last week. But no, he could not come play today. His grandparents arrived from France last night. I ran home in time to greet Sailor’s girlfriend Sofie and her mom and sister and give everyone lunch before strollering up all the kids and walking back to school. If my legs aren’t totally buff by the end of this year then I am never walking a single step again! Dropped Mac at school and headed, with Sailor and the girls, to the home of my friend who had twins two months ago. It was like a nursery! Three 3-year-olds, a 15-month-old, and the twins. It seemed to be more than it was. Back to school for Mac. The temperature has dropped and Sailor is freezing. And sleeping. We run into a mom from preschool last year who asks if we are going to get our kids together or if she is going to have to bring Mac’s birthday gift to school. Bring the damn gift already, I want to shout. His birthday was in MAY!

We’re barely home two minutes when the boy from Sailor’s class arrives with his mom and baby sister. Sailor is too tired to play and Mac is wired. Sailor wants to sit in my lap with a blanket in the comfy chair. Mac wants to kiss the kids. What is wrong with my children? The baby put every small toy left on the playroom floor into her mouth. Her mother makes a neat pile of the choking hazards. The three boys get rowdy and if the playroom wasn’t trashed beyond recognition before, it is now. The fun of that is the throwing away that I get to do. As in, “You boys really don’t want me to help you clean up.” I help. Many things see the inside of our little purple trash can. Many things are contemplated (are you too old for play the kitchen yet? Mac: Well, ok, I guess we could get rid of it. Sailor: NO! I want PLAY with it still. It’s so hard to be the little brother.) I decide we’ll reconsider at Christmas time. Many things – but not enough things -- make their way into an empty laundry basket. Ha! The giveaway basket! That’s my favorite! The playroom is reasonable again. And vacuumed. And it’s 6:00 p.m. Leftovers, here we come! Is it really fair to split a used cheeseburger, spoon out yogurt and drop in some chocolate chips and call it “melted snowman,” and serve green beans right from the fridge, and expect my kids to eat this? Well, either way, they do. And then we bake cookies. And the kids try to sweep up the debris on the kitchen floor. Mac wants to add this task to the “work in the house list” he wants to create so as to earn money to buy a car. When he’s 16. I think it’s a stellar idea. Until I observe his technique. Sailor gives it a whirl but has even less success. We’ll have to think of some more age-appropriate ways of earning money. Perhaps aiming into the toilet while peeing would be a good one!

“Mom, what do we say on Christopher Columbus Day?” That’s Monday. "I don’t know,” boy am I a lame mom. “Maybe ‘Happy Columbus Day’?” Or perhaps, “Please do not wake Mommy until noon.”